Self Esteem

Practical tips for improving the way you see yourself.

Select a topic by clicking the button below or scroll down to explore and discover how to view yourself.

What is self esteem?

When you think of self-esteem, what comes to mind? Confidence? Holding yourself to a perfect standard? Self-love? Depending on the person, these could all be right answers - self-esteem looks different for everyone. Regardless, one definition reigns true; self-esteem is the opinion that you have about yourself.

Why is self esteem important?

Self-esteem may vary greatly from person to person, and can be affected by what goes on in your life. But what actually determines what our self-esteem looks like?

To help us understand what makes or breaks self-esteem, we can look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It was believed that people could have a higher level of self-esteem where different levels of needs were satisfied; these needs include physiological (basic needs like food and shelter), safety (personal, employment), love/belonging (friendship, connection), esteem (respect, recognition, strength) and self-actualisation (desire for self-improvement). For improved self-esteem, start at the bottom of the pyramid and work your way up.

Helping yourself and others with low self-esteem

To improve your self-esteem, or help someone you care about that has poor self-esteem, here are some helpful tips.

1. Be patient with yourself and others

It’s important to be patient with yourself and others when you’re experiencing or hearing about a tough situation. Have you ever had someone tell you to “get over it” or “stop being dramatic”? Even when said with good intentions, these statements do not value or validate people. It’s incredibly important to treat others (and yourself) without judgement, and know that they are the experts of their own life. Additionally, it can be helpful to pick a specific location to process these emotions; some studies claim that people feel more relaxed in locations that do not hold an emotional connection. Spending time exploring different places with our friends can be a useful support!

2. Use positive affirmations wisely

When others are going through a tough time, it’s nice to give them some uplifting words such as “you’ve got this” or “it’s going to be okay”. However, for people who are struggling, generic positive affirmations may not always be helpful. People with vulnerabilities can easily get self-critical, and affirmations like these may be perceived as insincere or make the person feel like their situation is being overlooked. Instead of trying to be inspirational, it’s important to validate and support. You might say something like “that sounds really upsetting” or “let’s work this out together”. Saying these words to yourself and others can be helpful in building self-esteem.

3. Help them chat things out

In some cases, people may not feel confident to share what they’re going through. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are uncomfortable with the topic, but perhaps that they cannot find the right words and need some guidance. Ensure you are being gentle with your words, and asking them open questions to help understand what they’re going through. For example, “Can you tell me a bit more about X?”. You can also try summarising their statements back to them to ensure that your understanding is correct. This will help them to feel safe and comfortable to express themselves.

4. Look for strengths

Identifying strengths can be another way to increase self-esteem and help people to better cope with issues. After validating your own or someone else’s experience, you could help them to discover their own strengths by asking “What are you good at?” or “What do you think you did well in that situation?”. If they can’t think of anything, you can help them find their strengths by highlighting strengths that you see in them and demonstrating that you believe in their capabilities.

5. Remember, no one is perfect

In general, we learnt to always be kind to our friends. Just the same as with others, it is important to be kind to yourself and to know that everyone makes mistakes. Your mistakes don’t have to be erased for you to be happy; mistakes actually help us to learn and grow as humans, and to avoid doing the same thing in the future. To make your mistakes count, try to focus on what you did do well and brainstorm solutions. Cut yourself some slack! When you start to realise that no one is perfect, it becomes a lot easier to develop self-esteem and confidence.

Here are some more useful resources for self-care